whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
