worst night to have a conscience
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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