I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
