The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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