We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
