when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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