If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
