i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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