your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
areolas are like halos for boobs.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
