a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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