Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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