Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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