How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The best revenge is premature balding
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
