So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
