my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
God, I missed his penis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
