I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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