She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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