The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
