Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
