I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
