please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
