dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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