Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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