Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
