did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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