i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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