somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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