Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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