At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
