We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize