Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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