after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
