It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
