So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
