It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
