I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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