A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
