Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
