i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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