Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
