your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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