Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
