Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
