I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
