Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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