Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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