she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
