Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
