Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
