it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
