so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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