how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
