i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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