For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
