I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
