My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
