think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
