3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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