i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
