Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
