nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
