And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
