i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
