we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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