i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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