My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
