Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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