My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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